Motley Crue’s "Live Wire" is such a testament to being young and sticking a fist (or something otherwise) in the face of everything that gets near: "You better turn me loose / You better set me free / Cause I'm hot, young, running free / A little bit better than I use to be.” And really, that's what the Crue autobiography The Dirt (HarperEntertainment, ISBN: 0060989157, 2002) is all about.
The shortened version of the book is this: four degenerates start a band, do a lot of drugs, have a lot of sex, somehow get a record deal, make some great music, kill the drummer from Hanoi Rocks, do more drugs, have more sex, make some more great music, make some all right music, almost kill each other, and then turn into complete sissies, not doing any drugs other than caffeine, not having sex with anyone except their wives, and not making worthwhile music.
The longer version is the most debaucherous, rock and roll, and dirtiest story of any band – and perhaps of any four guys – ever.
The Book but Not the Music
While the book has appeal for readers who claim to not like Motley Crue, those who say they liked the book but not the band must be lying to themselves about one or the other. The book is just like the music: epically dumb, sexist, strung-out on drugs than should be humanly impossible to consume, and on the prowl for anything other than love. A listen to the first two albums (Too Fast For Love and Shout at the Devil) will tell anyone what happened just as well as the book.
They won't tell it in the detail found here, though. The fact that it's an autobiography is both the book's strong point and weak point. To hear, directly from the source, about Ozzy drinking Nikki Sixx's urine and Nikki and Tommy each sticking their penis in half of an egg burrito to cover up the smell of other women is simultaneously bizarre and endearing.
However, when reading about Nikki and Tommy and some unnamed scumbag at a party all taking turns on a girl in a closet when she thinks it was just Nikki, well, that's certainly bizarre, but it’s far from endearing. In fact, it’s practically rape. If the same story had been told by someone like Tom Zutaut (the band's manager), it would have been somewhat more tolerable in a sort of a “mythical tale” fashion. It’s hard to feel sympathetic towards anyone’s wrongdoings when there seems to be no shame involved with the telling of them, and sections of The Dirt suffer because of it.
The Characters
Though this is an autobiography, the band is certainly a bunch of characters. Nikki is the one who wreaks havoc and complains about his upper-middle-class childhood, sounding like a crybaby (and a hypocrite when he has some kids that he doesn't necessarily set the best example for by overdosing on heroin). Vince is just a big dumb drunk. Tommy sounds like a seventh grader. Mick just sounds depressed that out of all the bands he could have made it with, he made it with Motley Crue.
Here's any random chapter by the associated band member, complete with their trademark capitalization rambling, and poor grammar:
Nikki Sixx: “I drank a bottle of Jack and threw the bottle at someone and broke their face off and shot up. I didn't give a ****. I just kept thinking about how everyone hated me when I was a spoiled little ****face growing up in suburbia, so I used to wear eyeliner and be really surprised/angry when small town Bum****ers thought I was crazy. I'd sit and stare at my Come Taste the Band and Mott the Hoople posters for hours and then go do drugs and write the best songs ever because I'm awesome. But I'm sad. And deep. But a ****ing bad***. I'm a bad***."
Tommy Lee: "****, dude. ****. Like, seriously, I was in ****ing LOVE with Pamela/Heather/Honey/Bullwinkle. I'm just a hopeless romantic, dude. ****. I ****ing love Pamela/Heather/Honey/Bullwinkle so much, but they ride shotgun with music, bro. That's my life, and they have to ****ing learn that, dude. And then I ****ing just accidentally pushed Pamela into a chalkboard once, dude. ****ing cops and women. ****. But what can I do, I'm in puppy love all the time! Dude! ****!"
Vince Neil: "I'm drunk. I killed Razzle. I ****ed that chick and that chick and that chick. My daughter died. I'm still drunk. I'm sober for a month. I'm REALLY drunk. **** Motley Crue because I can go solo! All right, I'll join the band again. I'm drunk."
Mick Mars: "My bones hurt. Dinosaurs."
"Come on baby / Gotta play with me / Well I'm your live wire"
They're all crazy, and even though the story begins to drag around Generation Swine time, and the writing isn't always fantastic (as seen above, Tommy Lee may be one of the dumbest grown men alive), this book is a must read for everyone, whether it's read in awe or disgust.
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